I find the challenge of a college education to be like Mt. Everest. Not only is it a massive obstacle, but it is also something that I have not done before, and something that I look at and say, "okay, that's scary," and then I have to make myself overcome my fear of such heights and no safety net. It is however thrilling in a way, but still laborious. These past few nights, however have been quite a struggle for me. Seeing the intense time effort and yes, labor that I put into such things that other people do so easily and quickly I have began questioning why God would choose me to do the work that he has set out for me. Studying so intensely everyday and struggling with such labor makes me see so many of my weaknesses all over again. Even though I knew that God's divine grace and choice was the ultimate answer, I still asked, "It just doesn't make sense, why would you choose a person with my weaknesses, to do your work?" Not that I didn't want to carry on, but only that I was frustrated with myself that I stated this. Every time I asked this, so many words came into my mind to dispute what I said.
One thing that I recalled was a statement that God doesn't call the qualified, but qualifies those he calls. God is ever qualifying me to do the work that is before me. Another was the fact that it isn't our strengths and physical/mental abilities that God searches for, but he looks into the heart. I remember David was known as a man after God's own heart, and I know that when I seek him and take up the challenges of my life, that it is for his glory and for his reputation that I do them. I want so hard, to please God. So many people can testify to that, in church and in school.
In my last year at Otsego High School, I made it my goal from the very start, to live out my life with no regrets, and to live it out like I true leader and example to others, lowly and Christ following. I wanted also. to live out the love for people that is in my hear. I didn't want to just keep my compassion inside, but to have it come out and affect peoples' lives. At the end of my year I got to see at least some of the results of the life I lived. Of carrying out these goals even to the small extent that I lived them. I left knowing that I had inspired other Christians in my school, and I left knowing that one of my friends came away from being almost atheistic to coming to involve God in the struggles of her life. I did what I wanted, and I achieved results that I may no know for a long time.
No matter what excuse I found, God contradicted it with his grace and with his word that I already knew. Anyway, no matter what, I could never stop loving Jesus, or even think about quitting. I know that this struggle is not over, and that it will get a lot harder, but I will press on in Jesus' strength, and run the race with endurance, the one marked for me. I claim Psalm 18:2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; My God is my rock in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the strength of my salvation, my stronghold.
Dear friends, please pray that I will endure this. Though I have such great hope joy in Jesus, this is still a hard thing for me. And whatever you are struggling with, talk with God about it. It will help you so much, I don't know how I could survive without the relationship that I have with His son, Jesus the savior. Please pray that I will seek God all the more, and that he will open up my eyes to those things that he has given me, not just my weaknesses.
There is so much more that I am being challenged with, and my struggle is not just academic, but I do not have the time to share it.