We all have dreams, and I believe that sometimes our dreams come from God. My biggest dream is to see the teenagers of the next generation stand up for Christ, and advance against the enemy with the word of God, and with love. I want to see them be a part of the Church, and see them lead our country back to its knees. I believe that teens are a powerful part of our culture, and when they get together and show the world what Christianity is all about, not just staying away from drugs, sex, and parties, they will make all the difference in the world.


My God is a Dreamer
1/2/01


My God is a dreamer
I want to dream too
My God has dreams for me
I want to see them come true

My God has dreams for me
Dreams that I could never dream
Even if I tried
I would barely catch a glimpse

My God is a dreamer
I live to see them come true
His dreams are the future
The future is where dreams come true

My God has dreams for me
I dream too
Dreams of what real life is
Dreams of the dreams he has for me

My God is a dreamer
Though he never goes to sleep
He plans all day and night
The awesome things that I might do

My God has dreams for me
Dreams beyond my mind's eye
Dreams to do the impossible
Dreams to touch the world

My God is a dreamer
His dreams reign supreme
There is no dreamer like my God
My God dreams dreams of victory

If I could dream like God
I wouldn’t know what to do
My dreams would be so big
I would stumble all over them

My God is a dreamer
I want to dream too
If no one dreamed dreams
Where would this world be

I find the challenge of a college education to be like Mt. Everest. Not only is it a massive obstacle, but it is also something that I have not done before, and something that I look at and say, "okay, that's scary," and then I have to make myself overcome my fear of such heights and no safety net. It is however thrilling in a way, but still laborious. These past few nights, however have been quite a struggle for me. Seeing the intense time effort and yes, labor that I put into such things that other people do so easily and quickly I have began questioning why God would choose me to do the work that he has set out for me. Studying so intensely everyday and struggling with such labor makes me see so many of my weaknesses all over again. Even though I knew that God's divine grace and choice was the ultimate answer, I still asked, "It just doesn't make sense, why would you choose a person with my weaknesses, to do your work?" Not that I didn't want to carry on, but only that I was frustrated with myself that I stated this. Every time I asked this, so many words came into my mind to dispute what I said.
One thing that I recalled was a statement that God doesn't call the qualified, but qualifies those he calls. God is ever qualifying me to do the work that is before me. Another was the fact that it isn't our strengths and physical/mental abilities that God searches for, but he looks into the heart. I remember David was known as a man after God's own heart, and I know that when I seek him and take up the challenges of my life, that it is for his glory and for his reputation that I do them. I want so hard, to please God. So many people can testify to that, in church and in school.
In my last year at Otsego High School, I made it my goal from the very start, to live out my life with no regrets, and to live it out like I true leader and example to others, lowly and Christ following. I wanted also. to live out the love for people that is in my hear. I didn't want to just keep my compassion inside, but to have it come out and affect peoples' lives. At the end of my year I got to see at least some of the results of the life I lived. Of carrying out these goals even to the small extent that I lived them. I left knowing that I had inspired other Christians in my school, and I left knowing that one of my friends came away from being almost atheistic to coming to involve God in the struggles of her life. I did what I wanted, and I achieved results that I may no know for a long time.
No matter what excuse I found, God contradicted it with his grace and with his word that I already knew. Anyway, no matter what, I could never stop loving Jesus, or even think about quitting. I know that this struggle is not over, and that it will get a lot harder, but I will press on in Jesus' strength, and run the race with endurance, the one marked for me. I claim Psalm 18:2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; My God is my rock in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the strength of my salvation, my stronghold.
Dear friends, please pray that I will endure this. Though I have such great hope joy in Jesus, this is still a hard thing for me. And whatever you are struggling with, talk with God about it. It will help you so much, I don't know how I could survive without the relationship that I have with His son, Jesus the savior. Please pray that I will seek God all the more, and that he will open up my eyes to those things that he has given me, not just my weaknesses.
There is so much more that I am being challenged with, and my struggle is not just academic, but I do not have the time to share it.

Today at chapel we had an awesome time of praise and worship, and then we had communion. It was the kind where we went up and broke the bread ourselves and then dipped it into a goblet of juice. This reminded me of some scripture in Romans 8:16-17:
The Spirit himself testifies to our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs - Heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Sometimes we as Christians forget about who's children we are, and about the power that we have access to. In this, the scripture in John chapter 15 makes sense, "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, then ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you." By the power of the blood of Christ we are able to not only overcome sin, but to ask God for whatever is needed in our lives or in others, and then it will be done.
I have often forgotten about the power that Jesus has given me, and that I am a co-heir with him to receive that power on a daily basis. Grasp this... even in the beginning of Jesus' life he was the heir of God's power. Jesus all of the days of his life was led by the Holy Spirit, and walked in victory and obedience, in the power of the holy spirit. God at Pentecost came in a mighty wind and tounges of fire came down on the disciples (Acts 2) and this was the very same power that Jesus had all of the days of his life, and this is the power that God has or wants to give to use. And just think about the loads of temptation that Jesus went through, being the Son of God, the center of spiritual attack at that time. The demons must have been working so heard, there must have been a reward for the demon that was to get Jesus to sin. Praise God, by the power of God he walked in victory through such attack, and this is the same power that God gives to the co-heirs of Christ! In no way shape or form was this power diluted, because the power of God can not be defiled, and that is what dilution would be. Grasp that!
This weekend I had been under some pretty heavy attack and I would be tempted time after time. However because God gave me the power, I was able to fend of each of those temptations. They gave me a hard time, but I gave them worse, I gave them Jesus, the root of power that is given me. God really has given us the power, and he has given us the choice. We have no excuse, and no excuse we can make, is justifiable. When I sin, it is my fault that I don't rely on the power that God gives me, and I must confess, surrender, and repent again. This would be one of the worst times of my day, but I don't have to experience it. Thank God.

Just to give you some info on the poem below, I wrote it in a time of hard struggle. At that time I was always wondering if I had been sanctified, because I would always fall into the same sin. It was almost a hypocritical thing to write, but it was not to proclaim something that I was not, but instead it was to give me hope, and to affirm out of faith that I was really a child of God and that I had recieved his power. Later however I did not doubt so much, but I came to understand that I was comming from a lifestyle that was established for about ten or so years before, and that God was only being patient with me, in his own loving way. I learned that I chose do be decieved, and was not really captive to the desires that had allured me.

Rising of the Saints
(Late fall to early winter of 1998)


We confess,
And He redeems.

It is He who filled us,
And He who will renew our strength.

Glorified.
We will rise against evil,
Against spiritual darkness.

Demons.
Spiritual hosts will fall,
With them the principalities of wickedness.

Not flesh and blood against us.
But world rulers,
Spiritual entities.
They will be vanquished,
Each is thrown into the abyss.

By the blood of the Lamb,
We are saints.
He, himself, has defeated Satan.
We, saints of God, are more than conquerors.

Today I begin with my first post, but this is also the day that I challanged myself to write a journal three times a week beginning next week. Usually this will be after chapel @ MVNU, as was today.
What stuck out the most to me was not in Joe's serman, but what one of the people who gave their testimony said. She was talking about her struggle with sin, and she said that she had always been fighting the battle like it was "Me against Satan." She had always lived in defeat, because she never gave it to the Lord. I think that I, and most Christians struggle with this same thing, day after day. In fact, I struggle with this so much, that I have made it a priority lately, to confess my struggle to God every day, maybe even more than once - whether I sin or not - and just say, "All right Jesus, I'm week and I am going to be struggling with this today, so I need your help, because I can't do it without you. It's all you, I give up."
Satan, or whatever demon is lurking behind us, want's us to play it, "Me against Satan," because he knows that I will loose that way. As a Christian, it's me that Satan wants, but I must give him Jesus. Jesus is my only defense, becasue it is only through him that i am justified, and only through him, that he has made me take my focus off myself and put it onto the light, him. If I surrender to Jesus, then Jesus will go before me, and Satan must retreat.